Today I woke up at 6am so that I could get a lift home from my boyfriend's apartment.
I made the decision to do that so that I could be at my own apartment so that I could vote in the UK referendum on voting systems, and to attend my meditation group later tonight.
I fell asleep in the car on the way here, and as soon as I arrive at around 8.30am I got into bed, because I wanted to get a few hours sleep as there are things I want to get done today.
I have to help someone with the copy for their website, and I've to prepare before the call with them at 3pm.
I also have other things that I want to get done that are outstanding (By outstanding read that I'm feeling guilty about not having done them already)..
I spoke with my boyfriend on the phone for a little while, discussed some of the things I have to do today.
Then I looked at Facebook, and twitter. Then I started doing some research about the referendum, as I haven't yet decided what to vote for.
Basically, since shortly after 9am I have been thinking that I'd like to sleep because my brain is fuggled and I can't focuse properly on what I want to get done, yet I haven't.
I managed to do some things, but I'm basically paralysed by fear. I'm afraid that if I do go to sleep I'll still feel crap- a different kind of crap, the muggy headed sleepy kind of crap, compared to the painful headache, stressed anxious over tired feeling of crap I have right now...
And I keep having these thoughts about slitting my wrist to let the blood & pain just flow out...
Alarming I know, I'm not going to act on those thoughts in any way, please rest assured. I know they come from the very poor nutrition that I've had over the last few months.
I've started taking high potency multivitamins again from last week, but am only a few days completely off wheat, dairy, eggs and yeast :(
(Boyfriend left a box of 12 mini rolls in the apartment while I was there, unsupervised)
I'm caught between wanting to do a "good job", being anxious about not being able to do it for lack of sleep, which is preventing me relaxing enough to get some sleep & feeling ashamed for simply not being able to "just do" what I would ordinarily consider the most basic of things..
From what I've read, but don't entirely trust because I've also read other things that are contradictory, if I was supported in eating the diet that eliminates the foods that my body can't presently digest, have massages, colonic irrigations, meditate & do my yoga daily, take high potency vitamins, I'll start feeling better.
Thing is, I just can't do those things on my own, especially as I can't work so can't create an income to pay for them.
And now I'm crying, I'm crying because I feel so helpless & trapped. I'm too ill to help myself properly, and too poor to pay for the support that I really could benefit from.
Hopefully I'll start seeing an effect from the vitamins in the next week or so. I did a good yoga session yesterday, and will do my best to keep that up each day.
I made the decision to do that so that I could be at my own apartment so that I could vote in the UK referendum on voting systems, and to attend my meditation group later tonight.
I fell asleep in the car on the way here, and as soon as I arrive at around 8.30am I got into bed, because I wanted to get a few hours sleep as there are things I want to get done today.
I have to help someone with the copy for their website, and I've to prepare before the call with them at 3pm.
I also have other things that I want to get done that are outstanding (By outstanding read that I'm feeling guilty about not having done them already)..
I spoke with my boyfriend on the phone for a little while, discussed some of the things I have to do today.
Then I looked at Facebook, and twitter. Then I started doing some research about the referendum, as I haven't yet decided what to vote for.
Basically, since shortly after 9am I have been thinking that I'd like to sleep because my brain is fuggled and I can't focuse properly on what I want to get done, yet I haven't.
I managed to do some things, but I'm basically paralysed by fear. I'm afraid that if I do go to sleep I'll still feel crap- a different kind of crap, the muggy headed sleepy kind of crap, compared to the painful headache, stressed anxious over tired feeling of crap I have right now...
And I keep having these thoughts about slitting my wrist to let the blood & pain just flow out...
Alarming I know, I'm not going to act on those thoughts in any way, please rest assured. I know they come from the very poor nutrition that I've had over the last few months.
I've started taking high potency multivitamins again from last week, but am only a few days completely off wheat, dairy, eggs and yeast :(
(Boyfriend left a box of 12 mini rolls in the apartment while I was there, unsupervised)
I'm caught between wanting to do a "good job", being anxious about not being able to do it for lack of sleep, which is preventing me relaxing enough to get some sleep & feeling ashamed for simply not being able to "just do" what I would ordinarily consider the most basic of things..
From what I've read, but don't entirely trust because I've also read other things that are contradictory, if I was supported in eating the diet that eliminates the foods that my body can't presently digest, have massages, colonic irrigations, meditate & do my yoga daily, take high potency vitamins, I'll start feeling better.
Thing is, I just can't do those things on my own, especially as I can't work so can't create an income to pay for them.
And now I'm crying, I'm crying because I feel so helpless & trapped. I'm too ill to help myself properly, and too poor to pay for the support that I really could benefit from.
Hopefully I'll start seeing an effect from the vitamins in the next week or so. I did a good yoga session yesterday, and will do my best to keep that up each day.
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