Yesterday I cried.
I cry most days, the slightest little thing will set me off, I'm not sure if my relationship will survive at this point. A man who was madly in love with me is now distant, and is not sure what he wants any more.
I get angry, I get irritable, I cry, I feel suicidal. All things I experience due to my illness. It's hard for other people to be around.
Yesterday I cried, in frustration at the "stupid people", the people who tell me, if I only were to think positively, all my physical symptoms would just disappear....
The reason why I'm so ill, is that for years my "positive thoughts" kept me going, I didn't rest when my body needed to rest, I told myself "I'm ok, I can do this".
Today I'm honest, realistic. I have stopped making myself do things that cause stress and pain to my body. (I still do some things, if they are of benefit to me emotionally).
Like last week, it was my boyfriends' Birthday, we went to Alton Towers. I rode on rollercoasters, I laughed, and laughed & screamed. In order to be able to do that I had to get assistance, I can't queue, I need to sit down, I can't stand for longer than a minute without it being extremely painful.
The energy it took to ride on rollercoasters, you could argue would have been better spent on other things, but I believe that if I don't have SOME enjoyment in life, I will experience even more of the negative emotional and mental symptoms of M.E.
Those are not things that I relish, not one little bit.
It's horrible to be judged. It's horrible to be misunderstood. A "friend" recently told me that the reason they'd become distant with me, is that they were fed up hearing that I was tired all the time. I cried, I sobbed my heart out at that one. I hope that she never gets to experience an illness like this.
When I'm not ill, I am extremely active, speak publicly to business owners, write in depth blogs about business development, marketing, social media, psychology of sales, building relationships. When I'm not ill, I go to embodiment dance workshops and dance like no one is watching, do yoga for an hour a day, go to lots of networking meetings, go out to catch up with friends, do one to one coaching to clients globally.
My illness is what prevents me doing these things, not my mindset.
I cry most days, the slightest little thing will set me off, I'm not sure if my relationship will survive at this point. A man who was madly in love with me is now distant, and is not sure what he wants any more.
I get angry, I get irritable, I cry, I feel suicidal. All things I experience due to my illness. It's hard for other people to be around.
Yesterday I cried, in frustration at the "stupid people", the people who tell me, if I only were to think positively, all my physical symptoms would just disappear....
The reason why I'm so ill, is that for years my "positive thoughts" kept me going, I didn't rest when my body needed to rest, I told myself "I'm ok, I can do this".
Today I'm honest, realistic. I have stopped making myself do things that cause stress and pain to my body. (I still do some things, if they are of benefit to me emotionally).
Like last week, it was my boyfriends' Birthday, we went to Alton Towers. I rode on rollercoasters, I laughed, and laughed & screamed. In order to be able to do that I had to get assistance, I can't queue, I need to sit down, I can't stand for longer than a minute without it being extremely painful.
The energy it took to ride on rollercoasters, you could argue would have been better spent on other things, but I believe that if I don't have SOME enjoyment in life, I will experience even more of the negative emotional and mental symptoms of M.E.
Those are not things that I relish, not one little bit.
It's horrible to be judged. It's horrible to be misunderstood. A "friend" recently told me that the reason they'd become distant with me, is that they were fed up hearing that I was tired all the time. I cried, I sobbed my heart out at that one. I hope that she never gets to experience an illness like this.
When I'm not ill, I am extremely active, speak publicly to business owners, write in depth blogs about business development, marketing, social media, psychology of sales, building relationships. When I'm not ill, I go to embodiment dance workshops and dance like no one is watching, do yoga for an hour a day, go to lots of networking meetings, go out to catch up with friends, do one to one coaching to clients globally.
My illness is what prevents me doing these things, not my mindset.
No comments:
Post a Comment